you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize