I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
They took my balls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
