yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
