So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
