ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Found your dick twin last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
