you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
bring money and cleavage
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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