I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
