Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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