My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize