me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
