he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
