I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
