I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
