Princesses don't give blow jobs
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
