Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
