I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
