I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
