i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
