Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
