Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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