What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
