She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
