Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
