My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
