So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
