I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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