I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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