Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
