no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so much tequila, so little girl.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
