I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
