if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
