i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize