I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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