im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
