I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
