it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
