Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
