Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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