when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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