Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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