I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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