Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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