and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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