Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
