I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
