and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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