Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
