I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We are two peas in an std pod
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
