I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
