SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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