Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize