Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
