I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
