Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
