you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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