Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
