sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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