my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize