why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
