oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Randomize