After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
