If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
