Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
