I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
