i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
