you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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