bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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