My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
