Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
