Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize