You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
