I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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