I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
