Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
