i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
