I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
