i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
