I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
