Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
