You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
