Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
