apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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