how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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