i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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