Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You're like the curious george of whores
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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