I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
40s are totally the cure
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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