eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
