Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
