Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
