Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
