the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
