Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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