woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize