dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
