I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
