if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
