I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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