Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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