I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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