Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
