dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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