that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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