the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
