She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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