Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
