Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
