I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
