I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was like eating out sand paper
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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