I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
