You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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